G

g's
Slang for garments.
 
g.a.
See general authority.
 
garments
The sacred underclothing worn by many Mormons as a reminder of the covenants undertaken in the Temple as part of the endowment ceremony. The garments are to be worn at all times -- except during bathing, sports, and certain other activities -- and are not to be shown to or handled by non-members.

Despite apocryphal claims that Mormons killed in various types of accidents have suffered no injury on the parts of their bodies covered by the garments, the Church teaches that the garments offer only spiritual and not physical protection. I mean, what good is magical armor that doesn't cover your head?
 
gator
Slang for "investigator."
 
general authority
Catch-all term for a member of any of the governing bodies of the L.D.S. Church, including the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the First and Second Quorums of the Seventy, and the Presiding Bishopric. Also applies to the Patriarch of the Church.

Often shortened to g.a.
 
gentile
Used to refer to any non-Mormon. This is a non-stigmatic term, as opposed to "heathen."
 
golden
A term applied to investigators who are primed and ready to join the Church, often before even meeting the missionaries, and for whom taking the discussions is merely a formality before baptism.
 
Golden Plates, the
The engraved record delivered by the angel Moroni to the prophet Joseph Smith, from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated.

The plates were seen by only a few select witnesses, whose testimony can be found in the front of current editions of the Book of Mormon. Shortly after the work of translation was complete, Moroni returned and took the plates back to whatever dimension he originally came from.
 
greenie
Greenhorn. A missionary new to the field, freshly arrived from the M.T.C.

Butt of jokes and victim of mostly harmless initiation rites.
 

Also by William Shunn

An Alternate History of the 21st Century: Stories by William Shunn