Pith | Perry Slaughter

Pith

Transitivity

A lexicographer once told me that any English noun could properly be used as a transitive verb. I said I wanted to dictionary him in the face. read

The vig

By the way, the vicious rumor that I sold 49% of my soul to the Devil is 99% true. read

Notes

A real man always carries cash. At best it's your bribe, at worst your rolling papers. read

Stand your ground

Ah, that magical land where you can pick a fight and claim self-defense. Wait, are we talking Florida or Iraq? read

Delicious

When I eat strawberries, I like to pretend they're the wizened hearts of my enemies. Ah, memories. read

Changing with the times

Last time I looked at a facebook was at that plastic surgeon's in Thailand. But you can find me there now, for better or probably worse. read

Tweeting

I was microblogging before microblogging existed. We called it writing on the bathroom wall. read

Hermit

Call me a pop-culture idiot, but I thought Britney Spears was a male porn star from northwest France. read

Walk a mile

It's too bad someone can't rape Todd Akin or Paul Ryan and get them pregnant. read

Thanks

I'll never forget the day you gave me your heart. Thank God for that car accident. read

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Perry Slaughter