October 1996 Archives

At a tender age (19), having undergone what to me was a major crisis at the time (dropping out of nursing school, when all I had ever wanted to do was be a nurse), I was searching for some answers. To what, I have no idea. Anyway, these two cute missionaries came along at the right time and, having been intrigued by Mormonism as a hazard of being an Osmond Brothers fan, I went for it hook, line, and sinker. I had done the Episcopalian/Presbyterian Sunday school thing as a kid (without parents), but never was religious. Well, it filled a need for a time, but I suppose the most disheartening thing was that the night before I was to be baptized, my Mother (who was also my closest friend) told me how against the baptism she and my father were. (She was sure she was losing me to a cult.) I was crushed - even though Dad told me later that he wanted me to do whatever made me happy (I didn't know it at the time, but I was doomed to suffer from clinical depression for the rest of my life. But I digress...) But I took the dip, did the patriarchal blessing, even took a calling or two, the first as Sunday School choirmaster (was that the title?!?). My first disillusionment came that, being a music lover, I wanted to include some of the hymns that were not sung much (while all everyone else wanted to sing was "Come, Come, Ye Saints" and, oh that song the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang to open the weekly radio shows). I was told in no uncertain terms by the Bishopric and others that I needed to select hymns people were familiar with -- they were uncomfortable when they had to actually read the music and the lyrics. (An aside: I can remember my piano teacher at the time, who had been a piano soloist with the Choir in his youth, and who always came to my lessons reeking of gin -- but he was a lovely man and a great talent) warned me: "Don't let them know you play piano; they will never leave you alone." Well, of course my ego wouldn't allow that. But the music-playing came to an abrupt halt when I was asked to play something at a sacrament meeting, and I picked Chopin's Grand Polonaise (a beautiful, active, and somewhat loud piece of music, one that I was particularly good at). Well, after the meeting, I was approached and thanked by the man in charge of the music for Sacrament meeting (can't remember the title -- is that choirmaster as well?), but commented that "it was beautiful, but it was not reverent enough." Well, I was as outspoken at 20 as I am at 40+, so I told him "fine, I've just played for you for the last time."

I've recently been revisiting my reasons for joining and for leaving the Church lately, with the death of both of my parents in the past 18 months. I think I can truthfully say that I am an agnostic -- not ready to commit to being an athiest (I like to keep my options open). I do consider myself a spiritual person, but not in the traditional religious way of looking at things. Someone at work asked me, after I was having a particularly difficult day emotionally, if I believed in life after death (he won't admit it, but I can tell by his name that he is most likely LDS or formerly was!) -- and I said I wasn't sure. It would be a comfort to believe in that, but I'm afraid I have a bit too analytical and scientific approach to things - if I can't see, feel, smell, or taste it, it ain't real to me. Religious friends at work (boy, these born-agains can be well-meaning pains in the derrière) try to "comfort" me with their belief that everything is for a reason, etc., etc., and I envy them for their innocence and willingness to go for the whole enchilada.

Anyway, I have enjoyed your site very much and look forward to more chapters in your apostasy journal. Since it is more recent history for you, you can probably remember more watershed moments. I don't remember any particular time when I decided the Church was not for me, but I don't remember exactly making the decision. Maybe it was when I got interested in NFL football again...

Thank you for the opportunity to vent to someone who understands, and I will keep checking your site for updates and additions.

Oh, boy, can I relate about the music thing. I once played Debussy's "Hommage à Rameau" -- as beautiful and stirring a piece of impressionism as there is -- and was greeted with only silent incomprehension. Well, except from my friend Nathan, who was so impressed that he asked me to marry him. But that's a different story.

Hey! I think I picked the right category ... all I've seen, other than the joke page, was "Terror on Flight 789."

I just wanted to say how enjoyable and fulfilling it was to read your story ... I'm not a Mormon, I come from New Jersey, so my experience with the LDS has been extremely limited, to put it mildly. All the interactions I can list consist of the few times my College Bowl team has played against BYU, some of the horror stories one hears on the news about what happens to gay youth growing up in Utah, and just a general sense of this all-powerful behemoth lurking behind the scenes in the Northwest, which is what I heard from my (atheist) freshman-year roommate who hailed from Seattle ... in any case, just a few random fragments, which certainly did not form any sort of balanced picture, and which led me no closer to having any understanding of what the LDS church, and its members, are all about. Reading about your experiences as a missionary, well, it brought me a lot closer to an understanding ... and your even-handed approach, when it can be so easy for one to load such a story with bitterness or excessive "hindsighted" judgments, was refreshing. The hours I spent reading your story passed quickly.

Anyway, a few little things that caught my eye ... and I hope it isn't terribly rude to mention this, college students can get so much flak for having attitude, don't you know, but I spent my summer toiling in front of a mac, making maps for travel guides, so these caught my eye. :) When you talk about your mission to Spokane, you said that there was a group of sisters serving some miles to the west, in Montana ... I know the border gets crooked up there, but I think you would have to go east to get to Montana from Idaho. Also, you talk about a district comprising southwestern B.C. and southeastern Alberta, and I think those should be switched around, too, or else they don't border each other.

None of which detracted, of course, from your absolutely wonderful story. I just want to say thank you, for sharing this work ... it has absolutely made my day. I look forward to turning, now, to the other sections of your page dedicated to the LDS.

Mark, your geographical sense is impeccable. I did confuse my directions in those spots, but now they're fixed. Thanks for your alertness!

Just read "Cut Without Hands" and have to rush off, but I'll be back for more. I'm certainly going to add a link to this site to my own humble web site, at:

      http://users.i4u.net/newthink/index.htm

and, if it's okay with you, I may praise your site to the other members of my WRITERS mailing list.

Thanks for an enjoyable and informative visit.

Gosh, thanks. Go ahead and praise me to your heart's content! :)

Super stuff, generally. When are you going to post some more letters?

I love the ones from the true believers ... just like the former soviet union. "IF we call it democracy, well then it is democracy." DUHH. Check out story 50 on Eric's page. This is a compelling list of information (confirms what I already knew, so of course it is good and true).

(P.S. Don't give up on God and organizedd religion. Gotta find the place that fits your understanding of the world ... mostly main stream religions, not these new fangled personality worshipping organizations pretending to be seeking God.)

Keep the faith and keep up the fine work.

I'll be posting new letters any day now. As for God . . .

BILL, I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED YOUR MISSION EXPERIENCE STORY. WHY DO WE DO SUCH STUPID THINGS ON MISSIONS? THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE BUREAUCRATIC NONSENSE IS SO THICK IN THE CHURCH THAT EVERYONE LOSES SIGHT AS TO WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. I DID THAT MISSION THING MANY YEARS AGO AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DONT REGRET THE WASTE OF TIME THAT I EXPERIENCED IN OHIO.

I never lost sight of what was most important -- turning in high numbers at the end of the week. And not getting caught screwing around.

(Next time, please turn off Caps Lock before you write in.)

Bill, super stuff. For a young guy you are pretty funny. For some of the true believers who write you I suggest you refer them to the terrific research that is on the internet. Specifically, the Alpha & Omega page and the Trust the Truth page have excellent works that describe why Joseph Smith couldn't have possibly translate the "golden tablets." Also some nice other history about the early church guys. Me, I'm a life-long main line Protestant, and I suggest that people give a real church a chance. Now, there are many churches and pastor types out there. People who need a father figure with all the answers are probably best served by finding the Roman Catholic parish that best brings God's voice to them. Those of a different intellectual need will find amongst the Presbyterians, Methodists, Lutherans and Episcopalians a more questioning/searching model of relating to a supreme being.

One question I have that hasn't been much discussed is how can women subject themselves to the moron church. I mean if you aren't a mom you are nothing. And the sexual abuse (I call "marrying" a 14 year old abuse) perpetrated by Joe Smith one of the great crimes of the century!

The true believer teen agers are the saddest. Their genuine sense of idealism, subverted by a system that is based on hog wash. Some people have no shame.

Keep it going!

Off heroin, folks? Here, try some angel dust. Or crack cocaine. Or a speedball. (Stop me when this analogy gets old.)

I just had to write and tell you how much I admire you for being civil in your responses to several of the letters you have received. I read an article on the 'net a while ago ("How Do You Lose a Steel Mill?" by Frank Zindler, I believe) and it made me really angry because he tried to portray Mormons as ignorant. I'm not saying that there aren't any ignorant Mormons but I do think it's wrong to stereotype someone. Anyway, after reading the article I tried to e-mail Mr. Zindler but my message got intercepted by some idiot with a point to prove. I think I saw a message from him on your page, from an ET Kolob. I don't remember his name but his web page had a "potato quiz" on it that was supposed to show religious people how stupid they are (in a humorous way of course). I felt like his only goal was to destroy my beliefs any way he could: calling me a baboon, or a swine. The whole thing was pretty uncivil and it put my patience and long suffering to the test :) Anyway, like I said, I appreciate your civility. I think that's a pretty rare quality these days. I haven't read any of your stories yet but I plan to in the near future. I hope you don't hold my religious beliefs against me :)

Later!!

So you ran afoul of the E. kolob bacterium, did you? Sorry to hear that.

I don't hold your religious beliefs against you, not at all. How could I, when you're one of the few tolerant Mormons ever to go to the trouble of writing to me. Thank you very much for your kind letter.

I've always enjoyed the wry humor on your site, but your response to the "conserned" reader was one of the best ROTFLs I've had in some time. Inviting him to sing along was a nice touch, but though I'm sure he knows the tune, he may have forgotten the words, so here they are:

To William Shunn, the Web's Babe Ruth,
Came e-mail rather odd,
Wherein a callow Mormon youth
Brought up the iron rod.

CHORUS
Give up the rod, the iron rod,
Find something else to do.
The iron rod is a big restrictive fraud,
It's way past time you knew.

Keep up the good work!

I'm rolling, Brother Smith! Thanks so much! I'm so impressed with your songsmithing abilities, in fact, that I'd like to offer you the position of head lyricist at my soon-to-debut Nauvoo Cabaret! Whaddaya say?