Pith | Perry Slaughter
Pith : Page 3

Jesus saves

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But even He's gonna weep fat baby tears if He doesn't also remember to back up.

Insomnia

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I have trouble sleeping while there are children starving in my city. Why can't they be quieter about it?

Box office

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Yes, I chose Bush over Gore, but I thought the question was late-night cable.

Illiteracy campaign

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Teach a child to read and that's just more royalties for Dr. Phil.

          

I bought one.

Refreshing

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When life gives you lemons, extract the citric acid and spray it in life's eyes.

Motion

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It's not the size of the boat—it's the whammo of the ammo.

Gee, Rocky

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Squirrels rule the early morning streets. I have to pay a tribute of Cheetos just to retrieve my paper from the stoop unmolested. Damn those orange-pawed monsters!

Jammed keys

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I have an intimate relationship with my typewriter. That makes it difficult to keep the roller clean.

To do

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My life pretty much depends on making a to-do list, but I kept forgetting to put it on my to-do list.

Who? What?

Perry Slaughter is the reclusive author of such cult works of horror and sci-fi as Chairman of the Board, Deus ex Machina, and more. His passions include vinyl records, scotch whisky, and high-seas piracy.

Perry Slaughter

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