You wanna sing something really scary . . . .? This one’s a parody I wrote myself back in my missionary days, though it’s not quite as incisive as Brother Smith’s efforts.
Sung to the tune of Michael Jackson's “
It’s close to lunchtime
And two young men are coming up the walk
You hear the door chime
And feel your fingers twisting at the lock
You hope they go
But one of them just saw you through the window
So really slow
You crack the door and look them in the eyes
You realize . . .
That these are ELDERS
At your door
And they won’t go away
Unless you let them tell you more
Yes, these are ELDERS
Let them in
Prepare a couple chairs
And let the teaching, preaching, begin!
So in a smooth tone
You offer them some coffee and a smoke
You toke some home-grown
And watch them elders cough and start to choke
They say no thank you
The Lord has said we should not use that substance
But here’s what you can do
Just read a message printed in this book
Just take a look . . .
’Cause it’s PROMISE
When you hear it
Then nothing’s gonna save you
From the power of the Holy Spirit
It’s a PROMISE
Just for you
So take a chance and find out
What we’re saying praying can do!
Let’s hit our knees
And we’ll ask the Lord please if He’ll tell you
There’s no escaping
The sins that are making you die
Unless you try
To start a new life
They’re out to get you
There’s elders closing in on every side
They will beset you
Until you change your mind and you decide
Now is the time
For you and them to go into the water
Rinse off the grime
They’ll save you from the terror of the grave
If you behave . . .
And you are BAPTIZED
In this font
Then you’ll be clean
And you’ll have all the blessings you could want
Yes, when you’re BAPTIZED
For your sins
Then you’re the one who wins
And you’ll feel better, wetter, tonight!
