Inhuman Swill : Vulgarity

Malcolm Tucker as Doctor Who

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I know it's a disappointment that the new Doctor Who isn't a woman or a person of color, but to this In the Loop fan he at least has the potential of being colorful...

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Let's keep Horan around!

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Let's keep Horan around!
The other day Laura and I were out walking the dog when we spotted a campaign ad on top of a taxi:

Elect Judge Kevin Horan

Yes, our minds went there almost immediately. We imagined his future reelection campaign:

Let's Keep Horan Around!

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Why I love Malcolm Tucker

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I think most people know me as a fairly laid-back guy in person, never getting too exercised or losing my cool, even when someone's being a jerk to me. If that's your opinion, then you've never worked in an office with me. Seriously. Ask the good, long-suffering people at BenefitsCheckUp or Sesame Workshop. (Actually, don't ask the people at Sesame Workshop. Most of the folks I used to work with there got the ax even before I did.)

If you talked to them, you'd find out that I could be a real bastard in the workplace. Some people at my last job were apparently afraid to talk to me when I thought they'd messed up, or at all. I made at least one producer at the Sesame Street website cry. Mind you, I'm not proud of this. No, wait, actually I am.

Over the past week or so, I've watched the recent film In the Loop three times on DVD. Besides its scathing, cynical view of the political process that lubricated our way into Iraq, I can't get enough of Malcolm Tucker, the angry, profane press secretary who never encountered a functionary he couldn't intimidate or a problem he couldn't spin his way out of. I want to be Malcolm Tucker, or at least be that articulate when I'm enraged.

Tucker, as played by Peter Capaldi, is also a character on the BBC comedy series The Thick of It. That's the source of the short video clip below (decidedly NSFW in its language), which pretty well sums up the Tucker philosophy.

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Don't let the mothers get you down

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"Hello, and what seems to be the problem with your 1-800-FLOWERS online order, sir?"

"Well, I'm not really sure. All the voicemail told me was there was a problem and I should call."

"All right, sir, I can help you with that. Let me just look up your order. One moment."

"Thank you."

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iTunes observation

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Not to be a stick in the mud, but just because "fuck" and "shit" are bleeped out doesn't necessarily mean a song is "clean."

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Mike Hunt is still Aiken

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Elect MIKE HUNT Aiken County Sheriff
Longtime readers may recall the hilarity that ensued when Laura and I visited Aiken, South Carolina during primary season three years ago. It seems that Mike Hunt was seeking the office of sheriff, and as we all know, what Mike Hunt wants, Mike Hunt gets.

Mike Hunt, snatched in the night.

Well, I'm happy to report that Mike Hunt has made the news again! Mike Hunt has been recognized as the best in South Carolina! Not only that, but Mike Hunt will be honored on Hilton Head. How appropriate!

I was quite delighted to see Mike Hunt getting more exposure than usual. Which is odd because at the same time Mike Hunt has greater coverage. Hmm.

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And they smear it all around

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I've always been fascinated by the continuum where language, thought, and sensation intertwine, and how it's possible for them together to create in essence a subjective reality. For instance, how is it that words alone, spoken in a movie like The Aristocrats, can induce such phyiscal spasms of nausea?

This is not to criticize The Aristocrats, a movie I thoroughly enjoyed, and which had me laughing until, in pain, I couldn't catch my breath. If I didn't already love Bob Saget after his guest appearance on Entourage, his rendition of the joke would have made me a convert. It certainly made me forget Full House. And Gilbert Gottfried. I never thought I'd say this, but damn.

Not Howie Mandel, though. That guy's just not funny, even with a shaved head.

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Mike Hunt is Aiken

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Elect MIKE HUNT Aiken County Sheriff
What a weekend Laura and I just had! We arrived back late last night from three days in beautiful Aiken, South Carolina. We were invited by our dear friend Shana, who lives here in the city and was going home for the annual Aiken Steeplechase, an afternoon of horseracing that is one of the biggest events in town.

Shana's father is a successful entrepreneur and state senator. His private jet was dispatched to Teterboro Airport in New Jersey to pick us up Friday morning. There were nine passengers: Shana, her sister, her brother-in-law, their twin infants, Laura, me, Shana's fellow Aikenite-in-exile Joe, and Joe's friend Matt. The jet seated seven passengers, so we were at capacity.

Laura and I stayed for the weekend in an upstairs bedroom in the senator's home in Aiken. We were treated to all the hospitality for which the South is famous (this was my first excursion into the real South), with far more caring and far less pretentiousness than I perhaps had expected.

Saturday afternoon at the Steeplechase was quite an experience. Thousands of cars pulled into neat rows around both the interior and exterior rails of the track, with boisterous but not rowdy tailgate parties everywhere. Wandering from place to place, we ended up at a central tent where Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, dressed down in chinos and a plaid shirt, was shaking hands and breaking hearts left and right.

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Fuck my mood

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I installed the latest version of Eudora a couple of weeks ago, and I immediately became curious as to why two or three chile-pepper icons were appearing next to some of the messages in my inbox.

Investigation revealed this to be a mood indicator, although I had no idea until a few days ago what that meant.

It seems that this new Eudora scans incoming and outgoing messages for offensive words and then rates the text according to how incendiary it is. If you try sending a message with a bad word in it, you get a warning like this:

Your message to "laura" regarding "Nice ass" is the sort of thing that might get your keyboard washed out with soap, if you get my drift. You might consider toning it down.

Send anyway? Cancel?
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