July 2002 | Inhuman Swill | William Shunn
Inhuman Swill : July 2002

Fruit salad surprise!

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There's this very keen diner near my office. They're friendly, they deliver quickly, their food is always good. And as a bonus, when we order from them, they always throw a little something extra into the bag—a banana, a slice of cake, a big cookie, what have you.

Today it was a fruit salad. I saved the fruit salad until late in the afternoon, then dug in. As I was eating one of the diced orange segments, I felt a fragment of something sharp and slightly yielding in my mouth. I thought it was a fragment of an orange seed. I fished it out of my mouth.

It was fingernail clipping. A dirty fingernail clipping.

Now I'm wondering where the finger will turn up.

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I burned my right index finger cooking breakfast for Laura this morning. It is, of course, the finger I use more than any other, for everything from typing to picking my nose to touching hot cooking utensils. You should be impressed and gratified at the pain I'm willing to endure to produce this little journal entry.

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Another fun waste of time

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I've been playing around with style sheets, and last night I created custom scroll bars for my sites—a different color for each section. You can only see them in IE. Click around and check 'em out!

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Bass: Smile
Today is Laura's birthday. Last night I took her shopping for her birthday present. She didn't know where we were going until we got there. Here is what we brought home:

I don't know—do you think she likes it?

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Hey, you folks in England! The television documentary I was interviewed for, "Attack on the Wires," will air Monday, August 5th, at 7:30 pm on BBC 2.

I believe the program will also feature [info]eleanor and perhaps an interview with [info]kenhighcountry as well. (Did those folks ever talk to you, Ken?)

If any of you folks across the Pond would be willing to slip a tape into the ol' VCR and record the show for me, I'd be slobberingly grateful. In fact, I'll put you on the list for a free copy of my book ... er, whenever it happens to sell.

Americans, there's a slight chance the program might air on Channel 13 at some point, or even on BBC America, so I'll keep you posted in that event.

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True porn clerk stories

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I've started reading Ali Davis's journal at improvisation.ws, "True Porn Clerk Stories," and now I can't stop. Help!

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Hmm, I've just been realizing that I never write anything here about work anymore. I've had a full-time job for the past four months, and I don't think I've mentioned it once. Odd.

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A question of balance

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Every week or so, in the morning on the way to the train, I haul a large bag of laundry four blocks or so to drop off at the big laundromat on 31st Street. These bags tend to run between 25 and 35 pounds. I'm usually grasping the bag around the middle, with both arms, so that by the time I arrive, dripping with sweat, the bag is all mashed out of shape and wasp-waisted, with half the laundry pushed up to the top of the bag, straining against the cinch.

Inevitably, when I plop this bag down on the scale, the top half slumps a bit to one side. What I find curious is that the laundry attendant always feels a need to plump up the bag and rebalance it before reading the scale. I'm not convinced that this has any effect on the reading, but apparently the workers are afraid that any poundage which is not sitting directly over the pan will not register.

I'm surprised. I really thought I'd find more physics majors working in laundromats.

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According to the Kabalarians, my name has made me thus:

The name of William gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature. You stick stubbornly to your ideas or decisions, in spite of any appeals or advice; you are not willing to accept a compromise. You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way. You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing. Your friendships and personal associations are rather restricted, being limited to those of a similar nature who can understand and accept your rather straightforward yet reserved manner. You are steadfast and loyal, and do not allow gossip or anything belittling to be said against those whom you accept in friendship. You find satisfaction in being outdoors or in getting out into nature, or in dealing with the products of the earth. There is originality and depth of thought contained in this name, particularly along practical and mathematical lines. This name can adversely affect the health of your respiratory organs, the heart and lungs. Also, you are prone to suffer from weaknesses centering in the head.
Prone to weaknesses centering in the head. Hmmm.

What do they say your name says about you?

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I get some truly bizarre spam. Here's one I found today as I was checking what had been caught in my filters:

Date: Sun, 7 Jul 2002 06:48:58 GMT From: dew@earthlink.net Subject: Time Travelers PLEASE HELP!!! 1952

If you are a time traveler or alien and or in possession of government or alien technology I need your help! My entire life and health has been messed with by evil beings! If you have access to the carbon copy replica model #50 3000 series, the dimensional warp, temporal reversion or something similar please reply! I simply need the safest method of transferring my consciousness or returning to my younger self with my current mind/memory. I need an advanced time traveler to work with who can help me, I would prefer someone with access to teleportation as well as a variety different types of time travel. This is not a joke! I am serious! Please send a separate email to me at: Dragonball03@aol.com if you can help! Thanks

Wow, I mean, like, what if this message is genuine? I'm halfway tempted to respond, but then again, maybe it's a clever trap laid by government agents to draw time travelers and aliens out of hiding....

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