Wednesday, March 22, 2006     00:26:25     24.43 Mb

In which Bill begins the serialization of his memoir THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST, and God commands him to confess which parts are embellished.

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Monday, March 27, 2006     00:59:33     27.5 Mb

In which Bill flies to Canada for his first day of service as a Mormon missionary, but before departing performs amazing feats of transubstantiation upon an ordinary chewing gum wrapper.

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Monday, April 10, 2006     01:03:04     28.94 Mb

In which Bill and his trainer Elder Fowler take charge of missionary work in the lonesome prairie oil town of Brooks, Alberta, and many naughty words are uttered as a result.

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Monday, April 24, 2006     00:55:48     25.61 Mb

In which Bill and his trainer Elder Fowler knock on many doors in search of elusive gold, stumbling at last upon a fairytale cottage and the irresistible enchantress within.

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Monday, May 8, 2006     00:53:17     24.45 Mb

In which a young boy named Joseph spins a tall tale about angels, warriors, and golden treasure, and all and sundry learn why it's rarely the wisest of ideas to entrust the only copy of your manuscript to someone who doesn't like you.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006     00:56:31     25.93 Mb

In which Bill learns that, even when hand-delivered, not every message comes with a happy ending, and the vigorous application of common dust is considered as a harbinger of fiery doom.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006     00:52:05     23.91 Mb

In which Bill travels many precious kilometers to the town of Medicine Hat, where he learns important lessons in teenage drinking, misogyny, and the correctness of ratting out one's companion.

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Monday, June 19, 2006     01:04:05     29.4 Mb

In which Joseph Smith and his followers become acquainted with tar and feathers, while Bill hears things he wishes he hadn't from Katrina, his parents, Elder Fowler, and Sister Youtz.

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Tuesday, July 4, 2006     01:10:46     32.46 Mb

In which boldness leads to a first discussion, the possible hues of areolae are considered, and Bill receives instruction as to when women's jewelry is not women's jewelry. (Step back, son -- give the man some whacking space.)

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Monday, July 17, 2006     01:11:52     32.96 Mb

In which at least two people are rendered dripping wet, one senior companion braces for a return to reality, and Bill unexpectedly learns the true meaning of death. Plus a bedtime horror story!

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Monday, July 31, 2006     01:14:28     34.16 Mb

In which Bill meets his new companion Elder Dedman, learns a novel new approach to tracting, and discovers the true meaning of the word "bucket."

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Monday, August 14, 2006     01:16:50     35.24 Mb

In which the propriety of Debussy is called into question, an impertinent hooker preempts Oingo Boingo, and the merits of harvesting one's own Christmas tree are put to the test and found wanting. (And a happy birthday to me!)

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Monday, August 28, 2006     01:17:21     35.47 Mb

In which the soft tissues of the male body are held up for examination and misidentification, revenge is thereby extracted, and a terrible and uncommon sin is revealed to be not so uncommon after all. Plus, frontier prophet weds double sets of sisters!

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Monday, September 11, 2006     01:05:09     29.89 Mb

In which a cold, lonely Christmas comes to the Alberta plains, telephonic miscommunication ensues, and Bill executes a daring missionary escape plan. Plus, an observance of September 11th.

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Monday, September 25, 2006     01:26:29     39.65 Mb

Live from the Delaware shore! In which Bill makes good stage one of his escape, whilst plagued by memories of blood oaths in a granite temple. Plus, special guest commentary by Paul Fischer.

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006     01:06:54     30.69 Mb

Live from the breakfast table! In which the fugitive Bill makes good his border crossing, but runs afoul of unexpected complications in a bus station men's room.

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006     01:08:04     31.23 Mb

In which Bill likens himself to Luke Skywalker of old, returning to the Death Star that is Calgary to do battle with Darth Vader and the Emperor, striving mightily not to be turned to the Dark Side of the Force.

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Thursday, November 23, 2006     01:03:35     29.17 Mb

In which Bill receives a dire warning, meets his new companion, discusses biracial families, breaks more rules, and poses for blackmail photos. Plus, Laura picks a lock. Happy Thanksgiving!

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006     01:09:40     31.96 Mb

In which Bill takes up the life of a more diligent missionary than has in the past been his wont, does battle with elderly Jehovah's Witnesses, and tries to get a few things off his chest, with embarrassing results.

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Friday, December 22, 2006     00:52:46     24.22 Mb

In which Bill and his companion engage in a war of practical jokes with the sister missionaries, with hilarious, painful, and sometimes terrifying results. And the zero hour creeps ever nearer...

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Monday, January 1, 2007     01:14:45     34.28 Mb

In which the link between Mormonism and Masonry is explored, while Bill and his companion strike living gold in the last happy days they'll be destined to share.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007     01:09:34     31.91 Mb

In which Bill finds his privacy violated by a heinous and despicable criminal act on the part of his mission president, only to head out on split-offs with Elder Finn and discover even darker and more shocking revelations. Plus, they SHOT Joseph Smith?!

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Monday, January 22, 2007     00:54:03     24.81 Mb

In which Bill, against his better judgment, accompanies a runaway Elder Finn to the airport, where he experiments with phrases you must never use whilst frequenting such establishments. In other words, this is the episode you've been waiting for!

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Monday, February 5, 2007     01:09:14     31.76 Mb

In which Bill, rather than beating a hasty and prudent retreat, takes more bad advice from the same wrong people and runs afoul of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Will the Mounties get their man? Snarkily recorded in stunning Rhinoviraphonic sound!

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Monday, February 19, 2007     01:40:34     46.1 Mb

In which Bill gets booked into Calgary's big downtown jail, encounters hardened criminals and guards, revises his opinion of both, and begins questioning some of his life's basic assumptions. Longest episode yet! (As if that's any reason for pride.)

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Monday, March 5, 2007     01:08:39     31.49 Mb

In which Bill faces a bail magistrate, finds himself compelled repeatedly to pantomime his strip search, and contemplates the deep philosophical question of whether or not God protects missionaries. Special "existential dread" episode!

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Sunday, March 18, 2007     01:21:23     37.32 Mb

In which Bill faces sentencing at the hands of a philosophical judge, while Joseph faces martyrdom at the hands of an angry mob. Plus, special cameo appearance by the guy who blows up planes!

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Saturday, March 31, 2007     00:58:46     26.97 Mb

In which Bill, after only a brief taste of freedom, is told to sit down, shut up, take the money, get on the plane, and pretend the past week never happened.

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Wednesday, April 4, 2007     00:32:36     14.99 Mb

In which Bill attempts to tie off a few last dangling threads and bring the whole enterprise to a poignant yet thematically satisfying conclusion.

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Monday, April 14, 2008     00:43:15     19.87 Mb

In which Bill reads a restored and revised chapter from the brand-new draft of his memoir THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST.

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