Inhuman Swill : June 2011

The best thing I ever did

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Walking down the aisle
Exactly ten years ago today, I did the best thing I ever did. That's the day I married the warm, witty, wonderful Laura Chavoen. There are plenty of things I would do over in my life if I could, but if not doing them meant switching over to some alternate timestream never reaching that best moment ever, well, I'd do every one of those stupid things again, just so I could get to that one smartest, best thing.

I've written elsewhere about how Laura and I met and started dating. I'm not sure I've written about how our wedding came to be aired on the Travel Channel, but that's a story I'll tell another day. All I really want to say today is that I could not be more fortunate than to be charging headlong into the future with the smart, funny, beautiful partner that I have. She keeps treating each new year as an adventure, and she keeps pushing me to do the same. And I'll tell you what else—there's no one I'd rather be stranded without a visa at the Egyptian border with.

Often when we're listening to the news in the morning and they're running an obituary and people are talking about what a wonderful, selfless person the deceased was, Laura will say, "If I die, don't sugarcoat anything. Tell the radio, 'She could be a real bitch sometimes.'" Well, I look forward to another umpteen decades of hearing Laura say that while we're listening to an obituary on the radio. And me saying back, "You know, you're not that big a bitch."

She says she likes it when I'm sassy. Which is only one of the reasons I love her.

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When worlds collide

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Since 2006, I've spent a week almost every summer at a workshop for novel writers—either Blue Heaven or a spinoff based on its organizing principles. And since fall of last year, I have co-produced and co-hosted a monthly reading series called Tuesday Funk at a Belgian beer bar on the north side of Chicago.

I'm pleased to announce that these two worlds will soon collide! I'm spending the next week at the Wellspring Workshop in Lake Geneva, WI, organized by Brad Beaulieu, but for one night only the group of us will be roadtripping back to Chicago to invade Tuesday Funk for a "Science Fiction Sextuple Feature."

This special edition of Tuesday Funk convenes Tuesday, June 21, 2011, 7:30 pm, in the upstairs lounge at Hopleaf, 5148 N. Clark St., Chicago. Arrive early, stake out a table in the upper room, and grab a beer from John at the cash-only bar. We start seating at 7:00 pm and no earlier. Admission is free, but you must be 21 or older.

Our readers will include Brenda Cooper, Sarah K. Castle, Holly McDowell, Gregory A. Wilson, Vincent Jorgensen, and Kelly Swails, not to mention, as usual, a Poem By Bill. We hope to see you there!

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Warmed by the flames

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It's been far too long since I had a nice flamewar. I think the last one, in fact, was about two years ago when a sister missionary I knew twenty-four years ago friended me on Facebook and then posted to my wall to say the F-word offended her and she knew I would stop using it and polluting her news feed with it. I didn't even have to respond. It was my wife and friends who did the dirty work for me. Nice to be able to get my hands a litle dirty again.

From: Random Person
To: Bill Shunn
Subject: Editing job

Mr. Shunn, I would like you to consider editing two 10,000 word stories of mine. I am attaching a sample to work on and resubmit to me so I can see the calibre of your work product - if you're interested in the job.

From: Bill Shunn
To: Random Person
Subject: Editing job

In other words, you want me to edit you for free? Fuck off. I'm deleting your email without looking at these files.

From: Random Person
To: Bill Shunn
Subject: Editing job

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The Accidental Terrorist 30th Anniversary Sale

Signed editions
cheaper than your
local Mormon

Order yours now!

William Shunn

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