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September 2005 Archives

September 3, 2005

And they smear it all around

I've always been fascinated by the continuum where language, thought, and sensation intertwine, and how it's possible for them together to create in essence a subjective reality. For instance, how is it that words alone, spoken in a movie like The Aristocrats, can induce such phyiscal spasms of nausea?

This is not to criticize The Aristcrats, a movie I thoroughly enjoyed, and which had me laughing until, in pain, I couldn't catch my breath. If I didn't already love Bob Saget after his guest appearance on Entourage, his rendition of the joke would have made me a convert. It certainly made me forget Full House. And Gilbert Gottfried. I never thought I'd say this, but damn.

Not Howie Mandel, though. That guy's just not funny, even with a shaved head.

September 4, 2005

A not exactly burning question

I wonder if dogs get ice headaches.

Coming attractions

When the mail came on Friday and I spied the October/November issue of Asimov's in the pile, I opened it immediately to the last page. I didn't necessarily expect to see it yet, but it was there nonetheless:

COMING SOONmind-bending new stories by Robert Silverberg, Stephen Baxter, David D. Levine, Wil McCarthy, Liz Williams, Chris Roberson, William Shunn, Paul Melko, Jack Skillingstead, Bruce McAllister, Allen M. Steele, Carol Emshwiller, Michael Swanwick, Paul J. McAuley, Neal Asher, and more!
So cool. Congratulations, Paul!

The real reason we write science fiction

Laura and I have been culling great numbers of books in preparation for our anticipated move (still months down the road). As I was going through boxes, considering each volume in turn, I ran across my hardcover copy of Dave Wolverton's space opera The Golden Queen (recently republished as part of the two-book omnibus Worlds of the Golden Queen under Dave's more successful pseudonym David Farland).

I opened the book to hunt down a particularly memorable passage, and happened to turn directly to it. I read aloud to Laura:

Everynne closed her eyes and let her mantle connect to Lord Shunn's personal intelligence via telelink. She watched his attack progress—silver fliers swept through the sky in a wedge, shooting low over the forest toward the gate, dropping a barrage of explosives along with canisters of chlorine gas, which was particularly toxic to dronon. As soon as the fireballs began erupting over the treetops, Lord Shunn's attack force moved in.

Under cover of the trees, long-range laser weapons were nearly useless, so Shunn's forces all wielded only incendiary rifles. No human could bear the weight of the armor needed to ward off an incendiary blast, so Shunn's men were protected only by gas masks and lightweight heat-resistant combat fatigues. The men ran forward in loose formation, moving cautiously. Since the battle was meant only as a diversion, they were not in a hurry to engage the vanquishers.

Lord Shunn himself flew in behind on his hovercar, with its hood down, observing the battle. He glided through the trees, and only the distant smell of smoke signified that a battle had been launched. For fifteen minutes, Everynne watched the battle progress, until Lord Shunn's troops met several dozen vanquishers. Suddenly the woods filled with fire as incendiary rifles began discharging. Flaming balls os sulfurous white whipped through the air with incredible speed.

She watched a civilian try to dodge behind a tree in hopes of eluding a ball that flamed toward him, growing in size. The chemical charge from the rifle splattered across the tree and across the man's arm, erupted into flames hotter than the sun. He screamed and held his arm out, spinning once, kicking up detritus from the forest floor. In less than a second, he succumbed to the heat and lay burning.

The sight horrified Everynne to the core of her being. As a Tharrin, she was bred to be empathic. She detested violence. Somehow, knowing that Lord Shunn and his workers had volunteered to die in the woods this day made Everynne feel ashamed, weak. She only wanted the killing to stop, everywhere, but she was forced into a deadly contest and could not escape.  (pp. 172-3, The Golden Queen, Dave Wolverton, Tor Books, New York, NY, 1994)

What a delight! This reminded me of the real reason we write science fiction—so we can memorialize our friends in fictional adventures and give them the heroic deaths we know they'll neither achieve nor deserve in life, but which we secretly wish upon them (but without the heroic part). The more futile the better.

I feel inspired! To work!

September 5, 2005

Unexpected side effects of culling books

I've been an eBay user since 1998, but today I posted my very first ever item for sale: a signed copy of The Heidelberg Cylinder by Jonathan Carroll.

I really don't know what I'm doing, so I'm curious to see how this goes.

September 8, 2005

Divine retribution

If there's any truth to the notion that either Hurricane Katrina or 9/11 were punishments visited upon America for her sins, then the sin in question was, in both cases, allowing a clueless, spineless bully like George W. Bush to become president. 2005. 2001. I wonder if he's fiddling with the locks at Versailles as we speak.

September 9, 2005

Don't let the door hit you on the way out of the vestibule!

Every time I get cash at a Citibank ATM, I misread its farewell message as follows:

Thank you and goodbye. Especially goodbye.
Of course, it really says, "Especially thank you," but I never realize this until I'm already out the door, having obligated the uppity machine with a hasty departure.

He's a clown, that Michael Brown

FEMA chief Michael Brown is recalled to Washington and replaced by Coast Guard Vice Admiral Thad Allen as head of on-site disaster relief efforts in New Orleans. It's not enough, and it's too late, but it's something.

September 14, 2005

But Jesus's does

Hey, one of my submissions ran last week on Overheard in New York last week and I totally missed it!

Btw, as originally submitted, my entry continued:

Guy at sink:  It was the guy before me. Guy at urinal:  That's what they all say. Guy at sink:  You're a dick. Guy at urinal:  You need to change your diet.
There was more, but I was trying to finish up, remember everything, and get out before punches were thrown.

September 15, 2005

A game of cylinders

There's still an hour or so left in the bidding for my Heidelberg Cylinder auction at eBay.

Also, I've just listed a first-edition, first-printing hardcover of George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones.

September 19, 2005

Indiana Pigeon and the Radial of Doom

It's not been exactly a relaxing day at the office, but something I just witnessed down on Park Avenue sure amped the stress. As I stood at the corner, waiting to cross, I looked left and saw a big SUV pulling to a stop at the curb just up from me. Just ahead of the front right tire, as the vehicle rolled forward, a pigeon was waddling as fast as its leg would carry it, looking for all the world like Harrison Ford running from a tumbling boulder. The gap between bird and rubber narrowed, and my heart leaped into my throat as suddenly the tire brushed the pigeon's tailfeathers.

The pigeon fell forward, wings spread, and I was sure I was about to see it crushed. But the wings fluttered and the pigeon jumped to the side, strutting away beneath the SUV as if trying to prove that nothing could ruffle its feathers. The only thing that would have made the moment more harrowing is if the pigeon had reached back under the tire for its hat.

September 20, 2005

Sure, everyone's got baggage, but...

So I'm getting onto an extremely crowded 6 train this morning at 59th St./Lexington, moving smoothly across the train through the narrow corridor left in the wake of the commuters just debarked, when suddenly I trip and am falling, falling toward two stout women and a baby. I catch myself inches from disaster—and believe me, this is a pratfall worthy of Dick Van Dyke in the making—by grabbing the pole directly between the two women, and I mutter a faint "Sorry," abashed.

Then I look down to see what I tripped over. Their shoulder bags, arrayed all around them on the floor.

Now I don't feel so stupid about tripping. What I feel stupid about is apologizing.

I like it because it is bleeding, and because it is my heart

This meme was brought to you via [info]holyoutlaw:

You are a
Social Liberal (68% permissive)
and an...
Economic Liberal (25% permissive)
You are best described as a:

Democrat


Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

September 21, 2005

That barely audible hiss is your civil liberties leaking away

The police were inspecting bags at the 30th Avenue subway station in Astoria this morning. Little table set up off to one side of the turnstiles. Maybe this makes some people feel safe (particularly people who don't ride the subways), but it only makes me feel as if there's danger near, and as if I myself am under suspicion. And I resent feeling that way in America when I'm just going about my own business and doing nothing wrong.

As I walked past the makeshift inspection station, heart in my throat, trying to look casual, I rehearsed in my mind what I would say if the police asked to look in my somewhat lumpy shoulder bag (which, by the way, contains nothing more incendiary than books, magazines, and a bunch of mix discs from last night's CDMOM):

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'd rather walk."

I didn't have to, but I don't like the fact that I might have had to. And for what? For the sake of discouraging some theoretical bomb-carrying terrorist from boarding the train at 30th Avenue and forcing him to walk two blocks to Broadway instead? Ooooh, I feel so much safer now, and it only cost a few pennies in civil liberties.

September's CD mix of the month

My contribution to the September CD Mix of the Month Club was The Second Time Around: Songs with Sequels.

(The story so far.)

And next I will vote against support for not supporting staying inside the outside of Iraq

I just received email from John Kerry which said, in part:

Monday, I shared with you my Brown University speech setting out what needs to be said and done at this critical moment for our country. Today, in that same spirit of clarity and conviction, I want to tell you how I will vote on the nomination of John Roberts to serve as Chief Justice of the United States.

I will vote against this vitally important nomination.

Excuse me, Senator? It's vitally important yet you're voting against it?

Okay, yes, I know what you're trying to say, but clarity, please! You sound like a Saturday Night Live parody of yourself.

September 22, 2005

Saturday on your radio

I will be the late-breaking guest on Jim Freund's "Hour of the Wolf" this coming Saturday, September 24, from 5:00 to 7:00 in the A.M on WBAI 99.5 FM. (I'll likely read a new story-in-progress called "Objective Impermeability in a Closed System.") Then stick around, as taped readings from Symphony Space with Susanna Clarke and Neil Gaiman will follow from 7:00 to 8:30 A.M.

Tune in if you can, or listen online, but don't despair if you can't. WBAI now archives its broadcasts.

(It'll be my fourth appearance on the show. Does this make me a regular?)

September 25, 2005

From the WBAI archive

I'm still working on getting some higher-quality excerpts from my appearance yesterday on "Hour of the Wolf" posted to my site, but in the meantime you can stream the two-hour program in its entirety from the WBAI archive.

But hurry! It'll only be available there for 13 weeks!

September 26, 2005

The fourth wolf

Okay, some higher-quality excerpts from my Saturday appearance on Jim Freund's "Hour of the Wolf" are up and available on my site. Find 'em here. And find earlier appearances here.

And don't miss the cameo by our own [info]steelbrassnwood! (Or at least by a recording of his. Thanks, Ken!)

September 29, 2005

Timothy Treadwell looks at these anneemals und sees people in beah syoots

[info]bobhowe and I saw Grizzly Man last Saturday, and just now on coffee break we were cracking each other up with our Werner Herzog impressions:

"Ven I look into de eyes of de beah, I see de flat, dead stahe of Leni Riefenstahl, above me in de dark viss de vhip..."

Smile and say "Nautilus!"

Speaking of giant squid ... giant squid!

September 30, 2005

Memo re: entering crowded subway train

See, if you would move into the empty space at the center of the train, I wouldn't have to bump you trying to get to the empty space at the center of the train myself.

Memo re: exiting crowded subway train

It's a sad failing of mine, I know, but I'm afraid I can't get out of everyone's way at once.

This is only a problem because you wouldn't let me get to the empty space at the center of the train.

But it *is* a life sentence

Saw a kid on the subway the other day wearing a great T-shirt:

STUPIDITY IS NOT A CRIME... ...so you're free to go.

They were splashier too

Hey, [info]bobhowe informs me that another of my submissions made it to Overheard in New York. Cool.

Do they give out stars on the Boardwalk?

Our own [info]bobhowe, if you didn't know, can now have the descriptor anthologist extraordinaire prepended to his name, as in anthologist extraordinaire Robert J. Howe.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, pop over to his place and get in line for some Coney Island Wonder Stories.

Shia LaBeouf in "Holes 2: Under Par"

Roger Ebert points out to us today that "The Greatest Game Ever Played was a game of golf, in case you thought your team might have been involved." Ha.

Laura and I saw a preview screening of The Greatest Game Ever Played Monday night. Structurally it was a mess—the first third or so succumbs to the lack of clarity about people, places, and relationships that seems to plague based-on-a-true-story period pieces. But even so, we both found the movie unexpectedly involving, and by the end we were both so caught up in the final match that we were clutching each other and applauding.

Bill Paxton's direction* calls maybe too much attention to itself, particularly in flashy CGI shots that follow golf balls along their dizzying trajectories, and Shia "Café" LaBeouf is good but not distinguised in the lead role. What makes the movie gripping, though, is that the showdown is between two very likeable characters who respect each other, either of whom we would be happy to see win. [Oh, and it has daytime television's Peyton List, who now moves onto my List despite having done little besides smiling radiantly in the film. (Must ... refrain ... from ... jokes ... about ... Peyton's ... place...)]

Anyway, if you don't mind a blatantly manipulative, crowd-pleasing, feel-good historical golf epic, you'll probably enjoy this. We did.


If you like a good, dark, thoughtful thriller that successfully wrestles with Big Questions, see Bill Paxton's directorial debut, Frailty. It's harrowing. Highly recommended.

Terror in the air-er

Call me an ice-veined flyer, but I really want to see both Red Eye and Flightplan. Had a chance to see the latter for free last week and missed it. Kicking self now.

About September 2005

This page contains all entries posted to Inhuman Swill in September 2005. They are listed from oldest to newest.

August 2005 is the previous archive.

October 2005 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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