http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/

I was just in the men's room. Some guy was talking on his cell phone again in the next stall. So I made loud fart noises.

Have you been following the Page Six brouhaha between Vincent Gallo and Roger Ebert over the reception of The Brown Bunny at Cannes? I have, I cheerfully admit, and I loved this essay from Ebert presenting his comments on the events:

Gallo goes on the offensive after 'Bunny' flop Gallo all but wept in a Cannes interview as he described the pain of "growing up ugly," but empathy has its limits, and he had no tears for a fat pig and slave-trader such as myself. It is true that I am fat, but one day I will be thin, and he will still be the director of "The Brown Bunny." [read all]

What exactly is a "shattering read"?

What? You mean the upcoming film 28 Days Later is not a sequel to the heart-warming Sandra Bullock alcoholism-recovery movie 28 Days from a couple of years back? In that case, nope, sorry, not interested.

My latest story, "Mrs. Janokowski Hits One out of the Park," is now out and available in Issue #4 of Electric Velocipede, John Klima's fine little literary zine. You can order your copy at the EV site for only three dollars—or, better yet, get a four-issue subscription for just ten bucks!