So, when Laura and I were in Utah a week ago, we went hiking on Mount Timpanogos on a trail called Timpooneke. I stopped to tie my shoe by a tiny waterfall, and I found not one but two four-leaf clovers:

Today may be the wrong holiday for it, but what the heck, the world's upside-down anyway. Happy Halloween.

Turns out that I am...

reefa

Of course, being clean-shaven now, I really do look like that.

It's very strange—the last few years, the only time I seem to get myself clean-shaven is on Halloween. A couple of years ago I went as a Mormon missionary, last year I was Elmo, and this year I'm Harry Potter. I only pull out my true face as part of a costume. Weird.

Reasonable-sounding shit (that's the only word for it) like this gives me genuine hope for the timeliness of my book, if not for the state of the human race. The fact that this man believes he is being rational turns my stomach. If this is not the most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me, then surely it ranks in the top three:

Elder Shunn—

I came across your website by accident a few weeks ago and was surprised to find such a detailed account of your mission and experiences. (I had initially heard about the episode while I was on my mission in England, but never learned anything more about it and assumed that the story was just another Mormon myth). After finding your website, I went ahead and printed the entire account and took it with me on a recent business trip—from which I have just recently returned.

I have to admit that I really enjoyed reading about your experiences and was very impressed with your writing style and ability to articulate feelings that only a 19 year old missionary could fully appreciate. Saying that, I was also very disturbed by how it all ended—and what you seemed to learn from the whole experience.

At the end of the story, you used your experience with "bombs" as a metaphor for what people should consider, before planting their own bombs in the lives of other people. I believe that your story, and especially the masterful way in which you tell it and draw conclusions from the whole experience—is a much more sophisticated and dangerous bomb than any physical one.

The September 11th terrorist bombing wiped out the physical existence of ~5,000 people in downtown New York City. I wonder how often you think about the tens of thousands of lives your website has the potential to impact each and everyday with your bottom-line message and the spiritual bomb that it carries.

Please understand that this is not meant to be "hate mail," nor is it the utterings of someone who lacks confidence in himself or his faith and must now come to the rescue of his "shaken testimony" by attempting to "save" someone else.

I just wanted to let you know how I feel—and that unlike Korihor, this is one bomb you still have time to diffuse [sic].

Regards,

Jason Scott Earl
Santa Barbara, CA

Laura and I were both jolted awake very early Saturday morning by what sounded like something slamming into the house. The west wall of our bedroom shook and there was a deep rumbling sound. Laura's first words were that a truck had backfired, but after a window rattled a few moments later we were both up and out of bed. I was afraid someone might be trying to get into the house. Laura thought the boiler in the basement had exploded. (Strange noises had already kept us awake long into the night—we were running the boiler for the first time this year.)

We checked out both possibilities, but found nothing amiss, so we went back to sleep. It wasn't until Saturday evening that we discovered we had been awakened by an earthquake. It was a 2.6 that struck at 1:42 am. The epicenter was on the Upper East Side, near the Queensboro Bridge, but it was apparently felt most strongly here at the Queens end of the bridge, in Long Island City and Astoria. According to the Times:

Given the hour that yesterday's earthquake rattled the streets, many people were asleep and never noticed it. Some of them refused to believe it had even happened.

Yet in Long Island City, a number of people very much felt the movement and dashed out of their apartment buildings and businesses. They looked fretfully toward the sky, fearing missiles were being fired upon the city....

In Astoria, Queens, drowsy residents scampered out of their homes in their pajamas. Some people reported lamps and china breaking. A few people, already beset by severe anxiety, went to friends' apartments for comfort.

Police officers reported that they were approached by many wide-eyed residents wondering whether a new wave of terrorist attacks had begun. Emergency calls came in, reporting that buildings were quivering and that people had heard a booming sound.

I'm just happy that Laura doesn't have to feel ripped off anymore. :)

I thought I'd throw together a poll, just because I can. I know the results won't be scientific, and they will be skewed toward geeky types, but I'm asking all the same:

Poll #8532 Missionary Man Poll #1

Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Would you buy a big fat book about a conflicted Mormon missionary who eventually gets himself arrested and charged with hijacking, even given the recent horrible hijackings in the United States?

Do you think the general public would be interested in buying it?

If such a book were offered for downloading as a 700-page PDF file, what is the most you would be willing to pay for it?

class='LJ_PollAnswerLink' lj_pollid='8532' lj_qid='3' lj_posterid='17832'
id="LJ_PollAnswerLink_8532_3">
View Answers
Mean: 11.43 Median: 10 Std. Dev 4.20

0	0 (0.0%)
1	0 (0.0%)
2	0 (0.0%)
3	0 (0.0%)
4	0 (0.0%)
5	1 (14.3%)
6	0 (0.0%)
7	0 (0.0%)
8	0 (0.0%)
9	0 (0.0%)
10	3 (42.9%)
11	0 (0.0%)
12	1 (14.3%)
13	1 (14.3%)
14	0 (0.0%)
15	0 (0.0%)
16	0 (0.0%)
17	0 (0.0%)
18	0 (0.0%)
19	0 (0.0%)
20	1 (14.3%)

What is the most you'd think the general public would be willing to pay for it?

View Answers Mean: 10.17 Median: 10 Std. Dev 5.70

0	0 (0.0%)
1	0 (0.0%)
2	1 (16.7%)
3	0 (0.0%)
4	0 (0.0%)
5	1 (16.7%)
6	0 (0.0%)
7	0 (0.0%)
8	0 (0.0%)
9	0 (0.0%)
10	2 (33.3%)
11	0 (0.0%)
12	0 (0.0%)
13	0 (0.0%)
14	0 (0.0%)
15	1 (16.7%)
16	0 (0.0%)
17	0 (0.0%)
18	0 (0.0%)
19	1 (16.7%)
20	0 (0.0%)

Today, after only minimal prodding, I received a long-promised sheaf of the rejection letters my agent has thus far received on Missionary Man. What a maddening collection! I'll share a few. I'm not naming any names, but these are all from major publishing houses, ones you will have heard from if you pay attention to stuff like that.

Some of these come from as long as a year ago, when various incarnations of a partial manuscript were circulating under the old title.

First, the positive rejections, which are possibly the most maddening of all.

November 13, 2000:

It's great to hear from you and thanks so much for sending me THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST by William Shunn. I don't think I've seen anything that even resembles this in all the years I've been in publishing. Shunn has a wonderful voice and an interesting story, but I just don't see how this fits into our list.

I wish I could offer you something more than my best wishes but that's all I can come up with.

There's so much I admire in this impressively original manuscript—and so much I'm sure I'd admire in Part Two—but I just don't see any way we could publish this on our list. Let me add a personal comment—this decision is more a reflection on our effectiveness with certain books than it is a comment on the quality of THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST.

Sorry to report that I won't be making an offer for THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST by William Shunn. As I told you, I've never come across a manuscript that caused as much consternation—consternation in a good way, mind—than this one. Most of the editorial group read most of it, and all agreed that it's very well written, very compelling, and not a little disturbing; Lord knows what's coming in part two. Mr. Shunn can really handle a tale, and his writing line-to-line is never less than impressive. Unfortunately, though, in the end we just couldn't work out how best to publish this book—the sting in the tale is perhaps too sharp, especially as it does shine such a light back on the rest of the book. A Mormon coming of age story with a terroristic ending—I just couldn't convince my colleagues how best to read a substantial readership with that as my hook. It may be that other editors see the opportunities more clearly, and I hope that's the case as the book is certainly not one I'll easily forget. If Mr. Shunn's work should come free in the future, I'd be very happy to reconsider it—he's a real writer, that much is for certain.

Anyway, I'll skip reproducing the lukewarm rejections and get right to the really nasty one of the bunch.

November 10, 2000:

I've read through the manuscript for THE ACCIDENTAL TERRORIST and was a little dismayed to find that there was 461 pages of text and almost none of it was actually about being a missionary or his arrest. It's all prelude. And that would be okay if there were actually something interesting about the prelude, but there's not much. I was sort of hoping for something along the lines of Plan 10 from Outer Space but instead get a sullen teen stuck in a Father Knows Best world whose biggest disappointment in life seems to be that he didn't get to see Oingo Boingo play at a wedding. I wouldn't have guessed that growing up Mormon could be so mundane.... The biggest drawback is that there doesn't seem to be anything here that would lead up to what happens when he goes on the mission. I get the impression that he goes mainly because he's expected to, and not out of any particular religious conviction. If he has any such convictions, he doesn't introduce them—he gives a lot more attention to his interest in science fiction. Unless there's something much more interesting in the second half, and the first half is shortened considerably (by about 2/3), I don't think this is going to work.

There. Just had to get that off my chest among friends.

Anyway, it doesn't matter that there are editors who loathe the book or don't have much reaction one way or the other. There have been some very positive responses, which encourages me that someday we'll stumble across the editor who not only connects with the material but who can actually envision a way to publish it. I just hope it happens before my beard goes entirely gray.

Of course, I also worry that we've gotten the best responses we're ever going to get. So if you're a brave, open-minded editor, contact my agent and buy my book and prove me wrong.

I can't believe I forgot to mention the "What's Goin' On?" cover that U2 did. Marvelous.

So, in the wake of my agent's email, I got very depressed. Laura had been telling me for a month and a half, and continued to tell me, that she thought world events only made the public's need for my book more acute. So I decided to poll my readers, the kind folks who had been reading my book chapter by chapter, some of them for two years, for their thoughts on the issues raised by my agent. Here is what I said:

Well, of course my feeling is that the book just cannot exist without the bomb threat, and that they're both wrong about the market right now. I know some of you have expressed opinions that now is exactly the right time for a book like this. I'm just curious to know what you all think—whether you as book buyers would be turned off or turned on by a book about a Mormon bomb threat right now, and why? What can I tell my agent that will convince her—and maybe a skittish editor too—that the problem is not a problem? Or am I wrong? Is it?

Brian in Virginia:

Unbuyable? Hrm. I don't know about that. I know I'd buy it—but I can see how some may consider it bad taste. (Five minutes has passed—I've been thinking about it.)

Actually, I think now is as good a time as any. I mean, if not now, when? A year? Surely people won't forget 9/11 in a year? How long do you have to wait? Two years? Bush says that the war will last at least that long. Terrorism will still be around. Five years? Where do you draw the line and say, "Ah, now America is over it." Cuz, the truth is, we probably won't ever be over it.

I think it's exactly what thinking book consumers need right now, but I see the point. However, right now is a relative thing. It takes a whole for a book to make it all the way to publication and publicity, and we, as a reading public, may be in a better position to digest Missionary Man in a few months or a year down the road when the book would actually hit the market. People are in a daze right now, but need insight and answers to questions like "Why?", and Missionary Man can be part of that national conversation when we can absorb what it has to say. Timing is everything.

I think you're 100% correct, that this is a timely story, well-told, and it should do wonderfully in the market. How to convince an editor and/or an agent of that, well...

To me, there's a huge difference between a confused, young Mormon missionary calling in a false bomb threat to try to keep a fellow missionary from leaving, on one hand, and, on the other, a bunch of organized thugs who made no threat but flew commercial airliners into buildings with the express intent of killing as many people as possible. Any resemblance between the two is purely superficial; as far as I can tell, it wasn't even religious fervor, per se, that motivated you, but rather fear of punishment for not using all available means to prevent Finn from leaving. In any case, your book is clearly anti-organized religion with a "Don't let this happen to you" message, and as such it would appear to be appealing to multiple elements of the intellectual set—those who are willing to give it a close look, anyway.

Here's a thought: I agree that the book wouldn't make sense without the bomb threat, but why does it have to be the publicity hook? Missionary Man is essentially a coming-of-age book, and plenty of those have been published sans bomb threats. For instance, that annoying Staggering Genius book didn't contain anything as interesting, yet it became a best seller. And it's no where near as well written or well thought out as Missionary Man.

Why can't it be published as an incredibly well-written, funny chronicle of a young man confronting his religion, his family, and his life, and making huge changes to become the person he is today? It's not that the bomb threat is only incidental, but I think it's a small part of a big work. There's a lot more going on in Missionary Man.

And, by the way, there's a HUGE difference between a frightened Mormon boy who DOESN'T HAVE A BOMB, and a crazed Muslim (frightened or not) who is using a jet as a bomb—but you already knew that.

If you ask me, I'd say, "Now more than ever." Interest in such a book will be higher than ever, so I don't think this has anything to do with an economic issue. Rather, it's publishing folks being overly sensitive.

Which doesn't give you much help, because that's not the sort of thing you can tell someone and have it work. It's like accusing someone of being a coward. That doesn't usually lead to someone acting more bravely.

Sorry.

Boy, tough question. Nobody really knows how the book will do with good support from the publisher, but they're obviously not willing to gamble their money nor their reputation on this.

I'm going to try and avoid being gassy here, but I think whether the book would succeed is unknowable until the wave function collapses, so to speak. I don't mean that you won't know the buying public's take on the book until they see it; I mean the buying public is in a suspended state about this particular topic, and your book might well precipitate it one way or another.

It's also very likely that I'm all wet, and the editors know EXACTLY what they're doing.

I personally wouldn't find a bomb threat theme in a book a turn-off right now. If anything, I'm much more inclined to look for material relating to terrorism and "religious fervor" at this time.

If I had to turn that fact into a zippy argument to convince a publishing professional I'd say that frantic information seeking is becoming almost a new form of escapism. All of us overmediated types seek comfort by trying to "get all the dope"—facts, opinions, spurious urban legends, whatever—in a touching (and false) attempt to control situations by at least supposedly understanding them. This is a very internetty phenomenon, of course, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility that your book would now generate more interest...

I'd say you have more to worry about in terms of people taking up the book
for those reasons, and finding out that what they've got on their hands is
actually an irreverent coming-of-age story. And with the supposed "act of
terrorism" a pretty satisfying laugh.

I loved your book. I learned a huge amount about Mormonism from it (though
little about religious fervor, because Joseph Smith's remains a mystery and "yours" is boiled off through the process of rigorous self-examination.) I certainly hope to see it on shelf somewhere soon.

They are probably correct in assuming it wouldn't sell if they also assume that there is only one angle to push. But I never believe that. To me, the best angle is the Mormon angle, and I think that the public is ready for Mormonism to start popping up more regularly now in modern culture. All it takes is for someone to have the balls enough to go out on a marketing limb and give it a try. If this book could be sold as a missionary memoir with the terrorism angle coming as a surprise—I mean, think about it ... when that moment comes in the book, you don't want the readers to already know what's going to happen, you want them thinking, "NO, NO, NO! Don't do it!" If those events unfold without prior knowledge it will be a helluva lot more fun for the reader, and they probably won't even think of the WTC attack. The circumstances are WAY too different.

I've passed my thoughts on the subject along to my agent now, and she sounds like she's more resolved now. We'll see in the next few months what that translates to in terms of action. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Some of you wanted to hear more about the U2 show we saw last week.

First off, I already described the some of the tightened security at the Garden. The thing I didn't mention is that, in the whole contretemps with my cell phone being sniffed by a bomb-detecting dog, Security somehow forgot to subject me to the same handheld metal-detector sweep that everyone else in my party was subjected to. I, as the most suspicious member of the party, really got the least thorough inspection. I'm picturing the scene in Airplane! where the little old lady gets beat up by Security while terrorists with sub-machine guns waltz right through. It's a little scary to see that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

If you're going to a show at the Garden any time soon, remember that the heightened security also means that shows actual start right on time. A couple of weeks earlier, Laura and I had gone to see Jane's Addiction with our friends Geoff and Naomi and their friend Matt. We got there at 8:45, which was just in time to see the second act on the bill, Live. We had already missed the first opener. At 11:00, Perry Farrell begged the union guys who dismantle the set for five more minutes so they could do one more song. Shows start and end on time now.

We got to our seats last week at just about three minutes past eight, the posted starting time, and Garbage was already playing when we got there. They were fabulous, by the way. Shirley Manson has cropped her hair quite short, and we all agreed that she was really something. Laura said, "Wow, she may be more fabulous now than Gwen Stefani" (her previous hero). (Ironic that we later discovered No Doubt opened for U2's next New York show.)

Anyway, on to the lads, who took the stage around nine. What can I say? The show was amazing. It was riveting every moment. I had never seen them live before (I was stuck on a mission the year that all my friends in Utah took a trip to Denver to see U2 on the Joshua Tree tour), but from other concert documents I've seen and heard, it seems to me that they're only getting better with age. There weren't many traces of the glam-pop phase left in this show—only touches like the rolling lights on axles above the stage and the banks of lights that rose behind the band on a couple of tunes were left to rub one's face in the prodigious command of stage pyrotechnics these fellows have. The only other pyrotechnics came from the band itself.

I've already described the heart-shaped runway, and I've already told you about Bono cradling the flag in his arms during "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Another thrilling moment came during that same song as Bono praised the men and women of the IRA who were laying down their arms and renouncing terrorism that very day. Then again when Bono pulled a young man out of the audience who had the word "ONE" tattooed in his back in a column in something like fifteen different languages. Then again when Bono pulled a young woman out of the audience holding a sign that said, "Chicks can play guitar too," and responded to her claim to know all the chords by having a roadie bring her a guitar; The Edge got her started on the basic chords to "Knocking on Heaven's Door," and she played and sang onstage with the lads; and what's more, we were all happy for her, not jealous. You should have heard the arena erupt after the first line she sang at the mike she shared with Bono.

What songs did they play? I remember "Beautiful Day," "Elevation," "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of," "New Year's Day," "Pride," "Bad," a scorching rendition of the already scorching "Bullet the Blue Sky," "Angel of Harlem," "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," "Where the Streets Have No Name," "One," "Until the End of the World"—in short, a greatest hits package. But the most wrenching songs were "New York" and "Peace on Earth," which the lads played as projectors sent the names of the dead and missing in the WTC attacks scrolling across the audience and up the walls and ceiling of the arena. (I spied one name that I recognized from my survivor list, and which I had subsequently seen on missing posters in the subway station at Times Square: "Lucy Crifasi.")

The band dressed in black, soberly but not somberly. The Edge sported a large Yankees logo on his shirt. Laura hadn't gone into the show expecting much. She was blown away. Our friend Liz had promised a coworker that she would call him from her cell phone if the band played "New York" (I just got a place in New York), and she did, and he heard it. That song was all the more poignant for everything that has happened here since All That You Can't Leave Behind came out.

When you're at a U2 concert, I've discovered—at least, a U2 show by this post-glam band who seem to have re-embraced all that they couldn't leave behind—it's far easier to believe that they love you than that, say, Jesus does. It was a remarkable show.